My Laptops buggered so I won’t be on here for a while

Have a good one while I’m off

Poet without words

I am isolated from the word

It seems as distant as the lover I know only flashes off

My mind is a tangled web of requirement

I teach others knowledge but save but scraps for myself

My heart beats in this now empty room

Echoing into the darkness

Bouncing off walls and back into my head

As a distant whisper of the poet I once was

Is it wrong I crave the times with no obligation?

The times that would have killed me? 

To live on the edge of a knife was torture at the time

But there is liberation in the despair

The knowledge that surviving is your only concern

That nothing is of any care nor thought

There is life 

Or there is death

It screams a ever present clarity in it’s singular depressive nature

I miss that

As I miss all the ghosts of memories once lived who haunt me in my time 

But now I must live

And find words only from time to time

So now I’m a teacher

It feels weird that this is now my every day. Planning lessons, teaching, talking to kids, marking, get up at 6 go home at 6. 

I’m a lot of things, scared, nervous, excited and very very numb at the same time. It’s one of those things that you just have to get on with, no time to fuck about because the students are waiting outside. I won’t say I’m not fucking terrified at times, or that I know it’s going to go perfect because it never does. 

But one way or another this is my dream and I’m living it. It’ll sink in eventually but, I am a Religious Education Teacher and it’s taken me 8 years to finally say that. 

I got my own classroom now, I’m an official teacher fucking finally!!!!

Who Knew? Only the drunk

L

You surprise me

I found out this conclusion

Hidden at the bottom of this wine bottle

That you

Of all of them

Are the one that got away

All that “I feel your pain” stuff is bullshit and disrespectful. You can appreciate it, listen and support someone as best you can, but you can’t understand it. Depression is so personal and so unique to each of us that when you’re in its teeth, you think you invented it. You can understand your own, but that’s it. When you are severely depressed, it can be more isolating than anything else you have ever experienced. In trying to make someone understand, you can only speak in approximation. You are truly on your own.

— Henry Rollins on Depression

I know I’ve been absent lately guys and girls, but I’ve had a lot of shit on my plate.

Needless to say I’ve had a great birthday, am now 23, have a place to live next year and I’m starting to wrap my head around being an actual teacher. Something I’ve been building towards for 8 years! 

So until the dust settles stay groovy. 

Few photos of me this summer. Me and Ellie on my early b-day party, me drunk on my early b-day party, me hungover on a boat the next day, pic nic at devil’s dyke near Brighton, and a spoken word gig I did a couple of weeks ago. 

I’m 23 tomorrow…I don’t wanna grow up!!!!

meowkittykitty667:

I went to a craft store once, it was awful!!!!! With My loves Mt Dew and Grumpy Cat!

I may be in love. This is troublesome :p

meowkittykitty667:

I went to a craft store once, it was awful!!!!!
With My loves Mt Dew and Grumpy Cat!

I may be in love. This is troublesome :p

Me being a very hungover Uncle. His name is Logan 

Me being a very hungover Uncle. His name is Logan 

I wear suits from time to time

Taking a bit of a break for now. Loads of shit going on. See you in a bit x

I’m on a horse.
And his name was Cas

I’m on a horse.

And his name was Cas

Immunity to Memory

This much needed beer is numbing the night

Blunting the blade stuck in my cerebellum

I was cleaning out old boxes earlier

Binning my old hoarding habit

What once seemed so valuable

Is now kindling for the fire

I burn memories to keep me warm

To give this new form the strength of immunity

Amists this therapeutic practice

I stumbled on a photo of her

It hit me

But not in the way it used to

I was hit with the reaction that I should have a reaction

But like a prod to a healed scar

It failed to draw blood

I remembered how I would of reacted

Then carried on with who I am now 

The Hunger of Distance

The distance has pushed me into starvation

Every passing minute increases the pump of blood in these veins

From the heart to all and a certain extremity

The thoughts of your silhouetted form against the street light outside increasing each beat and pump

You’re almost uncaring and infinitely comfortable  lack of clothes bring a smile to my face 

Enough to barely keep my hunger at bay until I see you once more

Until I can quench that hunger

Claim it for my own

Bury my face in your form and taste the sweet sweat of passionate reunions

I mean to make a believer of you when I return

To hear your voice call to any heavens that are present at the time

And in a moment

We will blur into a blissful ignorance to the world outside

And my heart

My mind

My blood 

Will once more be

Satisfied